Dash-the-board-of-con-fession-als!

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

That song's been going through my head for teh past 36 odd hours. Why because i have decided to keep the book. I don't think that i am ethically wrong because i have gone through all the possibilities of what might and might not happend from the various oints of view . I have along done my best to see what route the book would go through if i were to give it to the office. I somehow had the notion that keeping the book would not make me any different from anyone else, but i realise that my over intense thinking about the subject of my honesty is already what sets me apart from others. I feel that i have kinda made a storm in a tea cup but that is what i am like...what to do....i very like that one mah~ its called : Being Sharon. An extreme in being sensitive over the probable wrong stuff...

PRAISE GOD FOR HIS BLESSINGS!!!!
Congrats to Yingying on accepting her passport to heaven!
I am so happy that i will be able to see her in heaven...i wonder what we will be able to do together up there...besides praising God :D

I visited FCBC on Saturday mostly to support Yingying in her decision of becoming a Child of God. Once again i must say that i m very very very very very very very very very very very happy for her ... I pray that she will grow in the Lord and soon we will be able to edify one another.
I realise that i am a rather lousy Christian.
I think i am getting abit shaky in my beliefs... i hve been questioning the exsistence of God...yes i know its not right...i have been thinking about the power of sin in life...the materialistics of life and what they mean in my life...what things have been making not believe in God being there for me...etc...
I have been a Christian since i was a very young child, so unlike others who have to see the light first before making that important decision, i have taken many things for granted...i struggle to find out who God really is in my life and am trying to find out what the hack is my reason for being her at this time, this place, with all the people around me , etc...
Then again, although i have been having so many doubts, there is this place inside of me that knows full well that there is a being bigger and greater than anything i have ever known. And that this particular omni-present-potent and powerful God loves me and is all around to protect me whatever, whenever, where-ever, however, whoevery i am. Its that childish art of me i guess. That's oart of the reason i have no desire to grow up. I am terrified of losing that childish part of my being.
Being close to children is one of the reasons i became a church teacher. I enjoy being around those who have faith that does not question and desire to learn more with each passing day.
I pray that i may grow positively to be able to bless others with my gifts (God knows what they are) and be on fire for Him every single day of my life.

On Friday night, i called Yings and she finally read my blog... she read back to me some paragraphs that i posted....honestly i can't believe the things i write down in my blogs! i suppose i should not be surprised that i can't remember what i put down in my blogs...i am rather shocked that i am able to write such stuff down on a weekly basis.....take that anyway you want....it could have negative or positive connotations... i also not very sure what i talking about....the main thing is that i always forget what i write about but thankfully i do not repeat what i put down....i hope.....

Here's a major shout-out to Marcus:
THANKS FOR THE SWITCHFOOT CD!!!!!!!!!
Its been a great source of energy when i am down and thats been pretty alot in the last 24 hours...Thank you!

There's a theme that has been running through my head for the past few days : The fact that i have a mortal body but an immortal soul.
I believe that God is reminding me with various methods that i do not belong here. Sounds rather suicidal ya?

I fumble in my confidence
And wonder why the world has passed me by
I sincerly hope that i am meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

I dream about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe i’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe i am bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

i want more than this world’s got to offer
i want more than this world’s got to offer
i want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

Okok, cheesy ....but seriously... Those words run through my mind and i feel that way....apart from that emotion of being vindicated lah~

To my friends who are mugging for their prelims:
All the best!
Studying is our job and we should all strive to do it well, whether or not we like our lot in life. Remeber that you just need to do your best and God will do the rest.
Then again if all does not go as planned, you can always blame society for putting you in that predicament. Why? Sociologists believe that individuals are puppets of society and are subjected to social problems created my sociological problems... :P
God bless my friends and don't ever give up hope. My moto for my exams was : Try, ask and never give up! I pray that you all will do better than i did.

Cheers!